To whom is unconcerned and uninterested,
I am writing to apply for a training contract at [insert LLP’s name here].
I believe [LLP name]’s truly intergalactic outlook is what really distinguishes it from its competitors. Whilst most other international law firms have offices in effectively all of the same countries as [LLP’s name] on earth, only [LLP’s name] boasts clients on both Uranus and Saturn. I am excited by the prospect of working on Saturn’s rings, where [LLP’s name] quite literally operates a magic circle.
After failing to attend numerous employer presentations by law firms, I am convinced commercial law, specifically at [LLP’s name], is the right career for me. Unfortunately, I did not distinguish myself from other students at these events by not asking original and insightful questions on the firms’ culture, stance on quotas and trainee life. A high utility exercise I am sure, despite all answers being readily available on firms’ websites. [LLP’s name]’s lack of distinctive culture is a prominent reason why I am suited to the firm.
I have actively avoided all opportunities to improve my commercial awareness. I remain unconvinced by employers’ suggestion that it is beneficial to deploy general common sense to legal problems. Having failed to consult numerous books on The City, I understand the importance of being clueless on how businesses operate. Unlike my fellow applicants, I am incapable of working both individually and in a team. My motivation to achieve the highest standard of customer care was virtually non-existent whilst working as a waitress over the summer holidays. I was unable to use my own initiative to solve complex problems efficiently, largely due to bureaucratic management and the lack of complex problems in the hospitality profession. Furthermore, £7.00 per hour is not enough for me to personally invest in the plight of a member of the general public who did not receive enough salsa with their nachos.
I do not give 100% effort in all I do. This preposterous assertion would lead to an extremely inefficient use of my limited resources. My mediocre grades are a consequence of not reading the case judgements and Pro-Plus fuelled last minute cramming sessions.
I eagerly await your automated rejection.
[Your full name]